It is 1:57 a.m.
I am wide awake.
This is not a new practice for me, I have mastered the art of not sleeping ever very well over my past 36 years.
The difference today is.... I. Am. So. Tired.
As I lay here, there are many thoughts that run through my head but the one I am hearing loudest is "sleep now, because when the babies get here - there will be no sleeping for you."
ENTER PANIC.
This is the same feeling you might get when you have a big presentation at 8 a.m. and you are counting the minutes before you have to get up. It goes something like this:
This is the same feeling you might get when you have a big presentation at 8 a.m. and you are counting the minutes before you have to get up. It goes something like this:
1:00 a.m. (as you run over all numbers for the presentation) "If I fall asleep now, I get a good 5 hours of sleep.
2:45 a.m. (as you rehearse the opening line of the presentation) "If I fall asleep now I still get 3 hours and 15 minutes, that'll do"
4:30 a.m. (as you remember the blouse you planned to wear is at the cleaners, shit.) "I really need this hour and a half to function, please God, please! Just let me fall asleep!"
2:45 a.m. (as you rehearse the opening line of the presentation) "If I fall asleep now I still get 3 hours and 15 minutes, that'll do"
4:30 a.m. (as you remember the blouse you planned to wear is at the cleaners, shit.) "I really need this hour and a half to function, please God, please! Just let me fall asleep!"
5:50 a.m. (staring at the ceiling now lit by sunlight.... you drag yourself out of bed, cursing) "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. How will I ever make a good impression with no sleep!?!?"
This is similar to how I feel. Except at 5:00 p.m. that night, the childless worker in the example above, gets to come home and collapse.
My brain is replaying all the sleep I am told I will never get, ever again, for the rest of my life. Ever. "If you think you're tired now, you have no idea what tired is yet" is a line I hear far too often. If you want to ensure that a very uncomfortable, over tired, already terrified pregnant woman, will not sleep - tell her this. It works like magic.
Along with this statement I hear, on the regular, these similar statements:
- "If you think your house is a mess now, clean it while you can because it will never be clean again"
- "If you think you are broke now, just wait"
- "You miss going out and your social life already? Kiss that goodbye"
- "While you are at it, kiss the pants you wore last summer good bye as well"
- "Expect to fight with your partner- a lot"
- "Get rid of anything you truly love now because your kids are just going to break it anyways"
From what I understand, pregnancy is supposed to be a very exciting time. A very happy time. Not a terrifying ride of misery. I fully understand that my situation is different than most. And although it is a tad bit stressful, I wouldn't change it. As I have said, everyone is offered the situations in life that they need to learn and grow, and this is mine and I am blessed to have it.
BUT I wouldn't mind seeing some encouraging words every now and then instead of struggle. I wouldn't mind the negative stuff being out weighed by the positive stuff I hear. I make my own present, and I am aware of that, and I do everything I can to focus on the positive, because there is plenty. But I can not be the only mom-to-be out there (and I do not just mean mono/mono twin moms!) who is just plain ... scared.
So I decided to make a compilation. I asked for parents to give me their greatest parts of parenthood. The things they love, the things that make them happy to be parents.
And the answers I got shattered my heart into a million, happy, excited pieces.
And the answers I got shattered my heart into a million, happy, excited pieces.
Here are a few to hopefully help inspire you as well:
Eileen Because at the end if the day (and my kids are 23 and 20) you will never have anything like the bond between a mother and her children.
John I know your parents. I knew you as a girl. You'll be great
Eileen Because at the end if the day (and my kids are 23 and 20) you will never have anything like the bond between a mother and her children.
John I know your parents. I knew you as a girl. You'll be great
Crystal I have yet to find a moment that I am more overwhelmingly in love with my husband than those moments in the weeks following Carter's birth. Not when we were falling in love, at our wedding, finding out we were going to be parents... Nothing even comes close to the immense amount of love and deep respect I felt watching him hold Carter, and taking care of me when I wasn't at my best. I get teary just remembering it.
Don't listen to everyone giving you the negatives. It's just different, and you adapt. You will lay your eyes on those tiny humans that YOU MADE, and everything else will fade away.
Kimberly You think you have felt love, then you have a child and you wonder how u ever lived without this feeling
Jennifer It is the most amazing feeling knowing you created those human beings!
Beth I've never worked a more difficult job in my life. I've laughed till I cried, cried till I was hysterical, slept-walked through my day and nearly lost all sanity..but every time I am at the brink..four words make it all worth everything. "I love you Mama".
Stephanie When you look in your babies eye's enjoy and capture every moment because before you know it there in High school, then college etc.. It goes fast ..Capture those memories
Alyssa Parenthood really forces you to come to terms with who you are. It makes you dig deep and be better in ways you can't comprehend before you make the journey. You will learn how to effectively prioritize. You will feel deeper--the highs and lows are so, so powerful but GOOD.
And love. It may come all at once or take its time to build up, but I promise that one day you are going to feel it, and it will shine so bright, it will cut through all the darkness. Yes, it is hard, and yes you will have bad days, but that love will be worth it.
Also. Kids are funny. And full of so much innocent wonder. Your life will seriously fill up with joy by absorbing even a fraction of that!
AND you get to do things like color, mush Playdoh, and play with toys all the time! Fun!
Bobi She's <my daughter> amazing. I made that!! Confident. Smart. Everything I taught her to be. She makes me proud every day.
Stephanie The pants that don't fit, the broken favorite things, the dinners out and the time off to cure the hangovers don't ever seem as important as they did before. Being a parent is hard work but you get paid in tiny hugs and first laughs and peek a boos and it is the best pay you will ever make. The first time they say Mama or laugh or sing their first song your heart explodes out of every crevice in your body and nothing, not one single damn thing will ever matter as much as those little people who spit gum in your hair, and you always forgive them.
I also want to add that there is never enough time and there is never enough money but it always works out. Everyone tells you that you need to give so much up to have kids but all they need is love. Kids will play with boxes and pans.
J Derek Think you're awesome now, just wait till you're a super somebodies hero
Kate There's no better way to finally love your body no matter how "imperfect" after you hold your baby/babies and realize how amazing and beautiful it really is.
As a breastfeeding mom I never felt so much pride as I did watching her grow and be thrive knowing "I did that"
Being the person with magic kisses that fix all the boo boos
Marilyn You learn that you are stronger and braver than you know, and you see yourself do what has to be done, and you feel immense pride in yourself for having mustered to get it all accomplished... and that doesn't even touch on the love you'll feel for your children... which fills your life in ways you can't even imagine.
Laura One of my favorite parts about being a working mom is the excitement and hugs and huge eyes, big kisses, pure innocent joy I currently get when I walk in the door from my 20 month old
Nicole It's the most exhausting and rewarding job I've ever had and wouldn't change a thing!!!!!!! 24 hours a day, 7 days a week I'm on duty!!! A hug and kiss and an "I love you mommy" is all I need to keep me going!
Heather The best moment in the world is the first time you hear you child say "I love you mommy".
Brett Being a super hero is definitely the tops. Their smiles and cuddles make all of that other stuff seem frivolous
Christopher The older you get the smarter your parents get.
Kerri By no means does any of this outweigh the amount of laughs you will have with your partner over stinky diapers, getting peed on, the hilarious things kids they say, or the hilarious way they try to dance. And seeing him hold those babies will be incomparable to anything else in the world. You got this!!!!
Meghan My son is 13. Looking back at the milestones and being proud of his accomplishments and being his biggest cheerleader for all he does make me happy. While yes there are moments when you wanna run away and hide it is a love like no other
Molly You think you know what love is now, just wait!!!
Bichi When the tables turn and they are there encouraging you, helping you, being proud of you...appreciating what you do. That's pretty cool. You get to teach someone to be as good as you always wanted to be!
Keith When Cadence was first born and just beginning to breathe and she was taken over to the warmer she started hysterically crying, as newborns do. I went over and said "hi baby" and that's it. She stopped and did everything she could to see me. And that changed my life forever. She had been hearing my voice all those months. And that's all she needed right then. I'll never forget that.
Emily The moment I saw my baby for the first time and heard her cry, I was in love! And it's definitely a love like no other, it really can't be described or put into words..just AWESOME! Everyday I look at her and it blows my mind, that I helped create the BEST, most precious gift I have been blessed with!!!
Frances You are about to embark on the absolute best times of your life. Stay positive and DON'T listen to nay-sayers! Lucky you, to enjoy TWICE the love.
Tina No matter how bad your day sucked, when you see that babies face light up when you walk in the room all your problems disappear
Heidi All of those statements are so true! What makes it all worth it? It will be the first time in your life, that very moment you lay your eyes on that baby (for you babies), that you will undoubtedly feel a true love. A love that is like no other. Nothing and I mean nothing, will break that connection. It will be the first time you can truly say that you will put someone elses needs before your own and you will be ok with that. All that exhaustion and i don't just mean not getting another 2 hours of sleep (although that will mean the world for you to get), I mean pure physical exhaustion that sleep won't cure. It's an exhaustion you have never felt that comes from taking care of another human being, making him into a mini you or a better mini you, you will take such pride in that child. Its like your own masterpiece. He is a reflection of you. You won't be prouder of anything else you've ever created. You will work so hard like never before at giving this child a good life. And although your own needs are on the back burner, your child's happiness will always come first. Things you worry about now won't even be a thought once you lay eyes on him. This will be your BIGGEST achievement in life. And how can that not make you so excited?
Mark My daughter taught me "love." I couldn't imagine a love like this. Ever. There were times it was financially difficult. Others were so frustrating, you wondered how you would ever get through it. But, I wouldn't change a single moment. It's been an incredibly rewarding ride.
Another message is: Hold on tight to your sense of humor. You can't always laugh in the moment (and there will be moments you'll want to literally roll on the floor laughing - but you can't because you still need to correct the behavior), but remember to do it later...it'll make those tough moments a lot easier. Lastly, one of the coolest parts of parenting for me was watching my daughter experience those things that I experienced as a kid and watching her awe and wonder. I'd watch her and think, "That is soooo cool!" Then, I'll be the very 1st to admit how "lucky" I got with my daughter. She didn't deal me even a 10th of what I gave my parents.
Carrie We get so caught up in this crazy life that we miss out on what is wonderful in the here and now! We stop worrying about the future because they are staring back at us. Our kids help us stay present and in the moment. Those special little moments when they get sooo excited about something as simple as "Frozen" soup or their daddy walking in the door after working all day, a sticker from the doctor after being stuck with needles, their favorite inappropriate adult song comes on the radio and they start dancing in their car seat... The list is endless but it's those little moments that bring pure joy and happiness to your life as a parent!
Mark My daughter taught me "love." I couldn't imagine a love like this. Ever. There were times it was financially difficult. Others were so frustrating, you wondered how you would ever get through it. But, I wouldn't change a single moment. It's been an incredibly rewarding ride.
Another message is: Hold on tight to your sense of humor. You can't always laugh in the moment (and there will be moments you'll want to literally roll on the floor laughing - but you can't because you still need to correct the behavior), but remember to do it later...it'll make those tough moments a lot easier. Lastly, one of the coolest parts of parenting for me was watching my daughter experience those things that I experienced as a kid and watching her awe and wonder. I'd watch her and think, "That is soooo cool!" Then, I'll be the very 1st to admit how "lucky" I got with my daughter. She didn't deal me even a 10th of what I gave my parents.
Carrie We get so caught up in this crazy life that we miss out on what is wonderful in the here and now! We stop worrying about the future because they are staring back at us. Our kids help us stay present and in the moment. Those special little moments when they get sooo excited about something as simple as "Frozen" soup or their daddy walking in the door after working all day, a sticker from the doctor after being stuck with needles, their favorite inappropriate adult song comes on the radio and they start dancing in their car seat... The list is endless but it's those little moments that bring pure joy and happiness to your life as a parent!
Lynn First, master the art of sarcasm so you can indirectly tell people to f*ck off when they say insensitive things like all of the above.
Second, I've never loved anything I hate so much like this (being a parent) ...In other words, no matter how bad things seem to be, at any given moment, you will still love it. And that trumps all.
Anna In a way those things are right because life as you know it will never be the same after you become a parent. BUT being a parent, especially a mother is the most rewarding and incredible thing that can ever happen to you. You will wonder what did you ever do without them? Holidays are so much better through the eyes of your children. The love you feel for them and the love they have for you, indescribable. Be excited for this new journey you will embark on. Parenting doesn't have to be any of what's described above. It's what you make of it.
Kate Think you've felt loved before? Just wait till you get that first face munching slobbery kiss.
Think you pretty important? Wait till you're somebody's hero by magically kissing away the hurt.
Expect to cry, a lot. Tears of love, joy, exhaustion, awe, frustration, mirth, and gratitude.
Say goodbye to those fancy pants you wore last summer because they're going to get ruined by sticky fingers clutching at you because you're safest place in their world.
Keri Honestly, being a parent was what I was made to be....Daniel is my #1 - I hate when pple feed me the crap that mom comes first or she can't be the best mom she can be. I call bullshit. Daniel comes first....period. Once I held that little man in my hands (which he Pooped in immediately ) I lost all fear of what to expect and just lived for that moment. Its hard to do but always trust ur gut. I still parent "in the moment". As a huge anxiety sufferer I refuse to let daniel see mommy like that....he has grounded me, taught me true love, helped me learn to love more worry less...and worry more lol if that makes sense. There is NOTHING like being a mommy or daddy....i thought I loved my animals more than any human ever could....then along came daniel and showed me a whole new melt your heart cry tears of joy love. You will sleep again you will have things you love you will have a life you will do whatever you want bc it's your life and why it won't ever be the same it will be sooooo much better. I PROMISE. All you have to do is allow it to happen...whatever "it" is. Trust the universe trust yourself. You got this. We all do....in the same and in completely different ways
Michelle Think you've experienced unconditional love with your partner? Wait until you hold what you've created and have nurtured and will continue to do so for the rest of our life... Wait until you see that little one.. That's the absolute definition of unconditional love.
Second, I've never loved anything I hate so much like this (being a parent) ...In other words, no matter how bad things seem to be, at any given moment, you will still love it. And that trumps all.
Anna In a way those things are right because life as you know it will never be the same after you become a parent. BUT being a parent, especially a mother is the most rewarding and incredible thing that can ever happen to you. You will wonder what did you ever do without them? Holidays are so much better through the eyes of your children. The love you feel for them and the love they have for you, indescribable. Be excited for this new journey you will embark on. Parenting doesn't have to be any of what's described above. It's what you make of it.
Kate Think you've felt loved before? Just wait till you get that first face munching slobbery kiss.
Think you pretty important? Wait till you're somebody's hero by magically kissing away the hurt.
Expect to cry, a lot. Tears of love, joy, exhaustion, awe, frustration, mirth, and gratitude.
Say goodbye to those fancy pants you wore last summer because they're going to get ruined by sticky fingers clutching at you because you're safest place in their world.
Keri Honestly, being a parent was what I was made to be....Daniel is my #1 - I hate when pple feed me the crap that mom comes first or she can't be the best mom she can be. I call bullshit. Daniel comes first....period. Once I held that little man in my hands (which he Pooped in immediately ) I lost all fear of what to expect and just lived for that moment. Its hard to do but always trust ur gut. I still parent "in the moment". As a huge anxiety sufferer I refuse to let daniel see mommy like that....he has grounded me, taught me true love, helped me learn to love more worry less...and worry more lol if that makes sense. There is NOTHING like being a mommy or daddy....i thought I loved my animals more than any human ever could....then along came daniel and showed me a whole new melt your heart cry tears of joy love. You will sleep again you will have things you love you will have a life you will do whatever you want bc it's your life and why it won't ever be the same it will be sooooo much better. I PROMISE. All you have to do is allow it to happen...whatever "it" is. Trust the universe trust yourself. You got this. We all do....in the same and in completely different ways
Michelle Think you've experienced unconditional love with your partner? Wait until you hold what you've created and have nurtured and will continue to do so for the rest of our life... Wait until you see that little one.. That's the absolute definition of unconditional love.
Kim Every single day since I've become a mother and put my baby(s) to bed... I turn back before I close the door, feel that lump in my throat and literally say, out loud thank you God for this(these) angels. I have always been moderately religious... But for these 2 girls, my heart and faith grew 1000 times, I see every single blessing I have that I over looked before... From the fact that my fridge is full, my bills are paid, my car is working and my babies loved and fed. I have never been more proud of any accomplishment I've ever attained and every single thing that was ever important to me, just isn't that important anymore. Just remember to take those steps back to see what they're doing. Put the camera down, you being in the moment is far more important than capturing it. Of course your life is changing... You're about to be 2 babies whole world.
Kerry And you think your Mom is the best there is now, just wait until your babies are here... You will understand EVERYTHING your own mother did for you on a whole new level!!!!
Donna Experiencing all of the firsts! Just remember to be laid back and enjoy them.
There it is for you. Real parents, real answers.
I want to make it clear, that I did not say I am not excited. Of course I am excited!
But I think with all the talk out there about how hard it is to be a parent (and don't even get me started on what I hear about twin/multiple parenting) that all of us parents-to-be, who have no idea what to expect, need to be reminded of the amazing journey we have no idea we are about to embark on - in a good way.
When I see a parents eyes well up when they talk about their children, I find encouragement that dirty laundry and sticky hands and no sleep are not what parenting is all about.
My hope is that this post will bring that feeling of encouragement to a new parent-to-be that might be feeling just as scared as I am. I cried my eyes out reading through these responses more than once.
And I can't wait for the the day to look back at them and feel exactly what they are all saying. THAT is true excitement if I have ever known it!
**Thank you to all who participated. If I was unable to include your response in time, please feel free to leave it in the comments below on this post, I am sure you as a parent could have wisdom us parents to be could use!
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